As i was driving to work the other day, i noticed a woman tip-toeing around at the end of her drive, peering out onto the street. She danced in and out a few times before i noticed what she was looking at.
A tiny speck of a child in the distance, with a backpack the size of a small country, stuffed with pencils and regulation PE socks and ingredients for food tech was wobbling down the pavement.
It made me think, on your first day of school, what should you really be told? What life lessons are worth learning before you’re thrown into a world of spitballs and the ever elusive sprog-bashing day.
Here’s what i’d tell myself:
1. You’re right, no matter how many people tell you to, you don’t need to buy a Nike black drawstring bag and carry your PE kit round in a JJB sports, ripped plastic sack. You keep your Russell Rabbit bag that came free with some rabbit food and let them laugh.
2. Wear as much eyeliner as you want to. At the end of they day, they’re only calling you panda eyes and mosher because they haven’t got a steady enough hand to do it themselves. Jealousy is an ugly thing.
3. You don’t need to pay any attention in RE. The teachers a bit of a paedophile and never in life will you be asked to recite every religions views on abortion.
4. BE PROUD OF YOUR RED HAIR. Just you wait until you’re 22 and all the knobheads you went to school with start dying their hair just because Rihanna does.
5. And finally, don’t buy the same rucksack as the boy you fancy. It won’t make him notice you, and you’ll be stuck with a boyish, heavy, repetitive strain injury inducing bag for 5 years.
What would you tell yourself? Comment below!